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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23330284">Take Away The Fear</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/messedup/pseuds/messedup'>messedup</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>EastEnders (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Anxiety, Fluff, Headaches &amp; Migraines, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Needles</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 04:08:50</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>7,155</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23330284</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/messedup/pseuds/messedup</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Based on a prompt of Ben having to take injections as he suffers from migraines but being terrified of needles and Callum being there to help him through it.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Callum "Halfway" Highway/Ben Mitchell</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>89</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>First of all: Im not taking any credit for this apart for all the mistakes, as this fic is based on a lengthy prompt that was send in by @kloudysky on tumblr. Im not a medic and English is not my native language, so please be gentle with me :) Also I normally only write short one-shots, so even though this won´t be all too long, its the longest fic I have ever written, so I´ve decided to be proud of it even if its not my best work. Saying that, the fic is finished and will be uploaded in (probably 3) parts over the next few days!</p><p>Hope you like it :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The late afternoon sun was coming in through the window of the car lot. Blended by the bright light Ben let his head fall into his hands with a groan. The pounding ache had been there from the moment he had opened his eyes that morning. But, of course, he had been too stubborn to say anything or even to stay home from work. Now he was seriously starting to regret that choice.</p><p>Pressing his thumbs to the bridge of his nose and slowly moving them upwards, he tried to massage the pain away – to no avail. Another frustrated groan escaped him. 

One more hour. He could do one more hour.</p><p>When Ben finally made it back home it was dark outside, but lights were flickering before his eyes. The headache seemed unbearable now, even more so as nausea had set in as well on the short walk over the square.</p><p>Callum looked up from whatever he was reading as Ben stumbled into the flat without the smallest sign of acknowledgement, making him frown. Normally it didn´t take his boyfriend more than a few minutes to be by his side, pressing a kiss to his cheek in welcome or after a long day apart sometimes a much less innocent one to his neck. The least he would do is flop down on the sofa beside him and cuddle into his side. But to completely ignore him – that was something that had never happened before.</p><p>“Are you alright? What´s wrong?”, Callum asked, a look of concern on his face. But even though Ben was looking in his general direction, he didn´t look <i>at him</i>. He was somehow spaced out, not realizing Callum had spoken to him. </p><p>“Ben!” Standing up and taking a step towards him, Callum tried to get his attention. He had almost reached him when Ben finally snapped out of it. </p><p>“What´s wrong?”, Callum asked again, trying his best to speak slowly and clearly even though panic began to rise in him. Something was definitely not right. He could see the effort it cost Ben to try and focus on the movement of his lips and even though it was only a simple expression he had a hard time understanding him. Instead, he squeezed his eyes shut, a hand coming up to his temple, pressing down so much that his knuckles turned white.</p><p>“I´m... I´m alright. I just need – I need to-” But before Ben could say another word his legs gave away under him. </p><p>---</p><p>When Ben regained consciousness again, he didn´t know where he was. All he could see was white. A white ceiling, white walls. Confused, he looked around, slowly realizing he was laying in an emergency room. And then he felt a hand on his arm, a thumb softly stroking circles into his skin. When Ben looked to his left he was met with the same concerned expression he had last seen before everything went black. A tear glistened in the corner of Callum´s eye as he smiled down at him.</p><p>“I think you enjoy making my heart skip a beat a bit too much, don´t you?”, Callum asked, eyebrows raised.</p><p>Ben couldn´t help but let out a laugh. Although he regretted it almost immediately as another surge of pain shot through his head. </p><p>But suddenly the door opened and Ben was distracted as he saw a nurse cross the room to a counter where several injection needles were lined up. His headache was forgotten in the sudden panic when the nurse picked one of them up and turned towards him.</p><p>He was only brought out of his state of shock when he felt Callum nudge his arm and nod his head in the direction of the nurse. Ben must have missed that she had said something.

“I´m giving you something for your headache.”, she repeated, but Ben still struggled to understand. He couldn´t focus on anything but the needle when the nurse pulled off the cap. </p><p>“I´m gonna show you how to do it and then I´ll give you more of these to take with you and use at home over the next weeks, yeah?” Ben only heard the usual static noise, not able to make out any words as his eyes were fixated on the injection. As the nurse came closer, he squirmed away.</p><p>She smiled at him. If he hadn´t been so panicked Ben would have answered with a glare. He really couldn´t see what there was to smile about.</p><p>“How about you look away?”, she suggested. This time Ben did understand. Because, of course she would say that. It seemed like that was always the solution every doctor had. It´s what he had heard all his life, with every flu shot, every IV line. </p><p>But he couldn´t. He simply couldn´t. He had to at least know what was going on, to be able to prepare himself. Ben could feel his breathing becoming more erratic. He was almost sure he could even feel the adrenaline rushing through his veins.</p><p>“No thanks.”, he snapped, at once reminded of that one time when the nurse had refused to inject him until he had looked away.</p><p>“Ben.” He felt Callum softly stroking his arm. When he finally managed to divert his eyes to look at his boyfriend, Callum pressed their foreheads together. “I´ve got you.”, he whispered. Suddenly Ben felt the sharp sting of the needle. He might have snapped at the nurse, but Callum kept him close with a gentle but firm hand on his neck. And Ben had to admit – it wasn´t quite as bad as all the times before. Still, he hated it.</p><p>Only when it was over Ben realized how much he was shaking. It didn´t exactly make things better when the nurse handed him another package of injections and Callum explained to him again that he was supposed to continue taking them at home.</p><p>As they lay in bed that night, Callum turned towards him.</p><p>“I knew you weren´t a fan of needles, but I didn´t know it was that bad.”</p><p>Ben turned his head away blushing. “Yeah, well it´s embarrassing.”, he mumbled.</p><p>A hand on his cheek made him look back at his boyfriend. There was honesty in his eyes when he spoke.</p><p>“No it´s not.” He stroked a thumb across his cheek. “Everyone is scared of something. Whether it be hights or spiders or - I don´t know. But it´s only normal.”</p><p>Shuffling close, Callum pressed a soft kiss to his temple, before burying his nose in his hair and wrapping his arms around him tightly-.</p><p>---</p><p>After his first injection, Ben hadn´t had another headache quite as bad, although from time to time the pounding in his head came back as a numb echo of it. But every time it did, it was only a painful reminder of the next injection. As if it wasn´t bad enough that the needles were staring back at him every day when he opened the fridge to make himself breakfast. 

What was even worse was knowing that the second injection would probably be ten times worse than the first. Because this time he would have to do it all on his own. </p><p>They had laid on the sofa a few days after that day at the hospital, watching some quiz show on television when Callum had nudged his side. With a guilty expression he had told Ben that he had realized the long weekend he would be away for work was the same that the second injection was due. 

A wave of fear had ran through Ben, but he had tried his best not to let it show. Callum was already apologizing too much. He had explained that he had tried to get out of it, or to shift the appointment back a week, but there was nothing he could do. </p><p>Ben had told him not to worry. However, for the rest of the night his thoughts were focussed on nothing else but the fear that got stronger and stronger.</p><p>---</p><p>As the day finally arrived Ben spent all day unable to concentrate properly. He knew what was coming when he got home and he dreaded it. His thoughts kept drifting away, his mind seemed clouded with anxiety. He even stayed much longer at work than he normally did, finding more stuff that he told himself needed to be done today. He knew he was lying to himself, that he just tried to keep himself busy on purpose, but he pushed the thought away.</p><p>When there really was no more work to distract himself with he slowly made his way home. He knew Callum wouldn´t come home tonight so it was easy to push the dreaded task back to the back of his mind for a few more hours. But his eyes slowly began to droop, the busy day starting to it´s toll on him. </p><p>Hesitantly he took one of the injections from the fridge. He dropped it on the counter and spent at least another ten minutes staring at it as if it would jump up and do the job itself if he wasn´t going to get on with it soon. </p><p><i> Come on, you can do it </i>, Ben told himself as he sat down. He didn´t really believe his own words though. 

With shaking hands he pulled off the cap and let out a breath he hadn´t realized he had been holding. 

And he tried. He really did. But he couldn´t bring himself to move the needle any closer than a few inches from his skin.</p><p>With a groan of frustration he tossed the injection back onto the counter. More than anything he was frustrated with himself. That he couldn´t just <i>do it</i>. </p><p>Ben buried his face in his hands. The palms of his hands were digging into his eyes, making his vision blurred when he dropped them again. His anger was so strong that when he looked up again he couldn´t stand seeing the syringe laying there, a sign of defeat. He hastily put it away, then headed into the bedroom. 

As he walked through the door, his eyes fell onto Callum´s grey hoodie, which was thrown over a drawer. Without a second thought, Ben grabbed it and pulled it on, before letting himself fall onto the bed. He buried his nose in the grey fabric, breathing in the still lingering scent of his boyfriend, letting it give him comfort. He felt terrible.</p><p>Suddenly his phone buzzed in his pocket. Pulling it out he looked at the new message.</p><p>
<i>You´re probably already done with the injection. I´m proud of you xxx miss u</i>
</p><p>Ben could practically hear Callum´s words. It made the feeling of guilt flair up as a hot sensation, making his stomach turn. A tear ran down his cheek as he buried his face in a pillow.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you so so much if you´ve read this far, I really appreciate it! &lt;3 Would love to hear what you thought!</p><p>If you want to come chat on tumblr message me @stillamess22 or send in your own fic wishes @ballum-fic-wishes :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Thank you so much for the lovely feedback so far! &lt;3 I´m feeling a little bit more confident with this second part, so I hope you like it! Just some fluff in between (because I´m incapable of writing too much angst) :)</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>A few days went by in a similar manner and the guilt Ben felt got stronger with every failed attempt to get over his fear. Even more so every time Callum texted him. He always made sure to send him a message every evening and it became harder and harder for Ben to answer. Realistically, he knew that once Callum came back he would realize immediately what was going on. Ben had never been good at keeping things from him. His boyfriend knew him way too well for that.</p><p>Still, as Callum came through the door, everything Ben could feel was relief. His grin mirrored the one on Callum´s face and in a second they were wrapped around each other.</p><p>“I´ve missed you.”, Ben whispered into his neck, the response coming back in form of a kiss pressed to his lips, cutting of his words. Minutes passed a they both were lost in the moment, revelling in the feeling of being back together. Ben barely realized that Callum let his bag glide from his shoulder, letting it fall on the floor as he slowly pushed him back against the nearest wall.</p><p>For a second Ben forgot about his guilt as Callum deepened the kiss. But then his hand stopped over the spot on his arm where the injection should have gone in, gently stroking his thumb over the skin there when he pulled back. The look of pride on his face as he smiled down at him was so unbearable that Ben had to pull back. He tried to turn away. Suddenly he couldn´t take facing him. But Callum immediately pulled him back.</p><p>“Hey, what´s going on?” Cupping his face, Callum tried to make him look at him again. But Ben couldn´t bring himself to hold the gaze. He stared down, his eyes catching sight of a loose button on Callum´s shirt. He must have skipped it without realizing when he got dressed that morning.</p><p>“Have I done something wrong?”, Callum ducked his head, trying to make him read his lips.</p><p>“No!” Ben sighed. Of course he would look for the blame on his part.</p><p>“What is it then?”</p><p>There was no answer. Ben didn´t know what to say. He didn´t think he could bare his boyfriend´s pride turning into anger. Or even worse - disappointment. So he just shuffled on his feet, a nervous habit he couldn´t control.</p><p>As Callum´s thumb stroked over his arm once more, he was hyper-aware of the feeling. Ben briefly looked up. He could see Callum now following his own movement with his eyes, then suddenly looking back at him.</p><p>“You didn´t do it, did you?”</p><p>Ben´s gaze dropped once more. He pinched his eyes close, one hand rubbing over his forehead. The shame he felt made a blush creep up his neck, colouring his cheeks red.</p><p>“Hey, Ben.” He could help but squirm away when Callum came closer. But his boyfriend didn´t give up until he finally relented and looked back at him with hooded eyes. Ben gave the tiniest shake of his head as an answer.</p><p>Ben expected him to pull back, to see the hurt in his eyes when he realized Ben had lied to him – or at least hidden the truth, to scold him or to tell him how stupid it was.</p><p>But none of that happened.</p><p>Instead, Callum just pulled him in, wrapping his arms around him tightly. His hand automatically found it´s way to the back of his head, the touch so familiar by now, the gentle movement of his boyfriend stroking his hair gaving Ben a sense of safety, of <i>home.</i></p><p>“I should have stayed here with you.”, Callum whispered as he pulled back slightly, his hand now moving from his neck across his ear, stopping a second to brush a feather-light touch across it before further stroking down his jaw and cupping his face.</p><p>“No.”, Ben retorted, “No. I should have been able to just do it.” A tear escaped his eye against his will. “It´s pathetic. Weak.”</p><p>For a short moment Callum was overcome with hate for Phil. He wished he could take away all the pain he had caused – was <i>still causing</i> through the echo of his words that was remaining inside Ben´s head even now.</p><p>“Shut up.” Callum looked at him intently, his hold on his face becoming a little bit tighter to keep him from looking away again. When he continued, his features softened. “Everyone´s scared of something. So can you please stop talking yourself down because of this?” He sighed. “Just – don´t shut me out okay? Let me help.”</p><p>There was a moment of hesitation, but then Ben gave a barely-there nod.</p><p>“How´s your head then?”, Callum asked then, frowning. There was no point in hiding that the pain was still persistent when Callum knew he hadn´t taken anything to stop it, so he just shrugged. As he was pulled into his boyfriend´s chest he let out a breath he hadn´t known he was holding.</p><p>---</p><p>They spend the evening on the sofa, Callum´s body curled around Ben, holding onto him like it had been years instead of a only few days that they hadn´t seen each other.</p><p>They had decided that they would try with the injection once more the next day, Callum reassuring him again and again that it would be okay, that he would be there to help him. And even though Ben´s breath hitched at the prospect, once his head was resting on Callum´s chest, he did manage to calm down and even forget about it for a little while.</p><p>As the sun began to set and the streetlights outside flickered on, Ben found it more and more difficult to keep his eyes open. He hadn´t felt this relaxed in a while and when sleep finally pulled him under the last thing he noticed was the steady thump of Callum´s heartbeat.</p><p>---</p><p>When Ben texted Callum on his lunch break the next day he did so feeling slightly guilty.</p><p>
  <i>Sorry, babe, I have to be at dad´s tonight. Lexi´s sick and she wont stop asking for me  x</i>
</p><p>It wasn´t like he had planned this. Lola had called that morning telling him what was going on and begging him to come over before Lexi demanded to be taken to him instead. She had a temperature and needed rest, so Lola didn´t want her to leave the house. Ben had agreed immediately. He told himself it was because his little girl had him wrapped around her little finger and he would do anything she asked for, but secretly he also knew that he kind of hoped it would allow him to delay having to take the injection for just one more day.</p><p>But of course, Callum wasn´t having any of it.</p><p>
  <i>Okay then. I´ll pick up the injection from the flat and come over xxx</i>
</p><p>Ben let out a sigh in defeat. It didn´t seem like he could get out of this.</p><p>The few hours left to work went by in a blink and before he knew it he entered the Mitchell house. With a quick greeting into the direction of the living room where Jay and Lola were cuddled up on the sofa watching some film he directly made his way through the hallway and up the stairs.</p><p>The lights were dimmed in Lexi´s room, so Ben pushed open the door quietly as to not risk waking his daughter up in case she was asleep. But he was met with her little voice piping up from underneath the covers.</p><p>“Daddy!” Her voice was a little raspy but the excitement in it made Ben smile.</p><p>“Hey princess!”, he said softly as he walked over to her bed, sitting down and wrapping his arms around her tightly. He wouldn´t admit it, but he could do with the hug just as well, so he held on a little longer than he normally would. When he pulled back again, he lightly pressed a hand to her forehead to feel her temperature. From what he could guess, it was still too high.</p><p>“Do you want me to get you anything, baby?”, he asked as he stroked her hair out of her face.</p><p>The little shake of her head in response made his heart clench. If she didn´t even think to ask for chocolate or her favourite cookies she really must have been feeling sick.</p><p>“Daddy? Can you tell me a story?”, she asked instead.</p><p>Ben smiled down at her as he nodded, then moved to sit next to her, letting her lean into his side. As he spoke, he continued to brush through her hair. Even as her eyes fell close and her breath grew steadier, he stayed there, not stopping his movements.</p><p>He was only brought out of the moment when he heard a soft knock on the door and looked up to see his boyfriend´s face in the frame. Gently he laid Lexi back on her pillow, so he could get up without waking her. Pulling up her blanket around him he pressed one more kiss to her hair, before making his way out of her room.</p><p>“Hey.”, Callum greeted him with a peck to his lips. Ben smiled at him.</p><p>“Hey.”, he returned. For a moment he let himself revel in the softness of the moment, pulling his sweater up across is hands as he snuggled into Callum´s chest, his sweater paws around his waist. And Callum let him, his fingertips lightly scratching up and down his back in silence.</p><p>Only as they sat around the dining table half an hour later with Jay and Lola, his nervousness was back in full force. Jay noticed how on edge he was, shooting him confused looks until he finally spoke up.</p><p>“What is wrong with you today, bruv?”, he blurted out halfway through dinner.</p><p>Ben only shrugged in response. “Nothing.”</p><p>He knew it wasn´t very convincing, but Jay didn´t press for a real answer, so Ben finished the dinner in silence.</p><p>Callum had offered for them to clear the table so Lola shot him a quick thank you as she pulled Jay back into the living room. Callum closed the door behind them and when he turned back around he could practically feel how close Ben was to going up the wall.</p><p>He didn´t have to ask.</p><p>Stepping forward he wrapped his arms around him once more, before gently leading him to sit back down.</p><p>“It´s gonna be okay, babe.”, he tried to reassure him. But as he took the injection out of the fridge, he could see Ben shaking violently. His arms were pressed together in his lap, his hands so tightly linked together that his knuckles turned white.</p><p>Callum sat down next to him and as he began to let his thumb stoke over Ben´s wrist he slightly loosened his grip. Callum took the opportunity to nudge his hands apart, pulling one towards him to stretch Ben´s arm. As his breath hitched, Callum intertwined their fingers and brought their hands up to his face to press a kiss to the inside of his palm.</p><p>“I´m here, okay?” His warm breath washed over Ben´s hand. “I´ll be here.”</p><p>But when it came to it, Ben couldn´t help but squirm away. It was almost a reflex by now that he couldn´t control. And Callum couldn´t hold his arms in place tightly enough to keep him from pulling away while simultaneously holding the syringe and squeezing his arm slightly in the spot the needle would go in like the nurse had demonstrated.</p><p>“Ben.”, Callum said, retreating and tapping a finger under his chin to get his attention when he was too focused on every ever so slight movement of Callum´s other hand holding the syringe. “Hey. You have to try to stay still for me, okay? I can´t do this if you´re moving so much.”</p><p>“I can´t.”, Ben pressed out between gritted teeth. “I´m trying, but... but I can´t.”</p><p>“Okay.” Callum sighed. “It´s okay.” He paused, unsure of how to continue. Ben wouldn´t like what he was about to suggest, but he didn´t really have any other idea on how to do this. “I´m gonna go get Jay to help.”</p><p>He was right. Ben´s eyes widened. “No. Please, Cal. I don´t want him to see me like this. He´s gonna take the mick outta me forever for this.”</p><p>Another sigh escaped Callum´s lips and he gave him a pointed look that said Really?</p><p>“Babe, this is Jay we´re talking about. Your brother. When has he ever not been there for you? You really think he would hold this against you when he sees how much it affects you?”</p><p>Ben swallowed around a lump in his throat. He squeezed his eyes shut, then nodded. “Fine.”</p><p>Callum squeezed his shoulder as he got up to get Jay. When they returned together a few tense minutes of waiting later – Callum had probably explained the situation in the hallway – Ben looked up insecurely at his brother. He was offered a half smile in return, before Jay took seat on his other side.</p><p>Somehow, the three of them managed to get it over with.</p><p>Jay was holding his arm in place with a firm grip that somehow seemed less restraining than it was, but more reassuring. Ben tried so hard to not let his fear show, but he was helpless against the shaking of his hands and the raggedness of his breath.</p><p>When it was over, he saw Jay looking at him sympathetically. He hadn´t said anything the whole time and Ben was kind of grateful for it. As he got up, he just rubbed a hand across his back, gave a little comforting touch to the back of his head, before finally pressing a fleeting kiss into his hair. Only a blink later and he was already out of the room again.</p><p>Feeling Callum gently rubbing his arm, he looked back at him. He was met with the smile that still managed to make his heart flutter. Suddenly he was overcome with a sense of wonder what he had done to deserve such a kind-hearted and supportive boyfriend and by the overwhelming feeling of the love he felt for him. There was nothing he could do but surge forward and kiss him.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you for still reading this fic :) Again, I would love to hear what you thought!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Last chapter ahhh! Hope you like it :)</p><p>(I kinda surprised myself with this one, but it might be my favourite so Im excited to post this!)</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was weird, but around the few panic-filled days of the injections life went on in the usual daily grind, neither of them thinking about it that much anymore. Callum asked a few times how he felt, if the migraine was still there, if the injections were doing their job of keeping them away. And Ben didsn´t like to admit it – because he was stubborn like that – but they did. The headaches became less frequent and less intense and Ben caught himself considering to try and talk himself out of the last injections. But there was no way Callum would let him get away with it so he didsn´t even bother to try. </p><p>And he should have expected it, after all they all were family, but from the way Lola looked at him over the breakfast table the next morning he just knew that she was aware of his embarrassing behaviour, his beyond ridiculous fear. He wasn't angry though. He knew Jay and Lola talked about everything, especially if it concerned their family unit and it wasn't like he told Jay to keep it quiet.</p><p>What he wished could have avoided is the expression of worry on his daughter´s face after she overhears a conversation about the topic. When he sees the tears in her eyes as she asks him if he´s sick and how bad it is his heart breaks into tiny little pieces. He has to pick her up and hold her tightly towards his chest as he reassures her that he is fine. He´s just not as brave as she is, he tells her when he explains the situation. And then she frees herself from his hold and storms away and for a long minute Ben is confused and a little worried until she runs down the stairs again with one of her favourite soft toys, a small pink unicorn, pressed to her chest. Handing it to him, she tells him that it has superpowers and can take fears away and Ben melts at her words. When he hugs her again there are tears in his eyes.</p><p>As the day for the next injection came closer Callum grew more and more worried as well. Not that he would have said so. But Jay wouldn´t be around this time to help so he knew it would be more difficult. He wished he could make it as easy as possible for Ben, but he wasn´t sure how to do that. </p><p><i>Are we at the flat this weekend? Or are there any more emergencies I don´t know about yet? x</i>	</p><p>He texted him a few days before. It only took a minute for Ben to reply.</p><p><i>Course we are! Flat´s empty right? ;)</i>	</p><p>Callum couldn´t help but chuckle at the typically-Ben response.</p><p>---</p><p>The sun was slowly setting as Callum put the last bit of his work aside. He didn´t think he had ever worked as quickly before, trying his best to get done as soon as possible to be back home earlier than Ben. He hadn´t had any brilliant ideas on how to take Ben´s fear away, but he thought he could at least try to surprise his boyfriend with a nice home-cooked meal, hopefully distracting him a little bit and making the best of the rest of the evening.</p><p>It was almost an hour later as Ben came in, seemingly lost in thoughts with his head hanging low, Callum was just about to finish cooking. He turned around when he heard his footsteps shuffling through the hallway. Finally realizing the warm light coming from the candles on the table and the delicious smell of his favourite recipe, Ben was brought out of his haze. For a second he stared at the scene, his mouth falling slightly open. And then a small soft smile appeared on his face as he looked at Callum. </p><p>Callum was slightly taken aback as Ben made a beeline through the kitchen, pulling him down towards him before he could as much as blink. His arms were wrapped around his neck and as Callum let his hands fall to his waist almost in a reflex, he leaned further into him. Tiptoeing, he stretched up as far as he could, deepening the kiss. </p><p>Callum´s brain short-circuited for a moment at the feeling. All he managed to do was cling onto him tighter. But even as he remembered to breathe again he decided that the food could wait a few minutes longer. He just wanted to stay in this moment, let them both enjoy it. A strange sense of achievement overcame him as he felt Ben smile against his mouth. A content sigh escaped his lips and he smiled back. His hands were warm under Ben´s jacket and as he pulled at his shirt again to bring him in impossibly closer the warmth spread through his whole body. Callum breathed him in. And then he suddenly realized a different smell.</p><p>“Shit!”, Callum cursed as he pulled back abruptly. </p><p>He didn´t have time to enjoy the dazed look on his boyfriend´s face, but turned around quickly to pull the pan off the stove, turning off the heat. Inspecting the food he was relieved to see it wasn´t all too bad.</p><p>Ben stepped in close behind him, chuckling and burying his face into his shoulder with a grin, as if he had made some great achievement in distracting his boyfriend.<i>Maybe he could get out of having this injection later after all</i> he thought to himself as he watched Callum plate the food.</p><p>The dinner went by rather quietly, only a few questions of <i>How was your day?</i> and <i>What do you wanna do tonight? Film night?</i> breaking the silence. They had already finished their meal at the last question, staying put for a little longer, too content in sharing soft looks across the table to even think of washing up. Their fingers were intertwined, thumbs grazing over skin and fingertips absent-mindedly tapping across knuckles.</p><p>Ben didn´t answer, but got up and rounded the table with a glint in his eyes. As he reached Callum, he slowly leaned down to press their lips together, gentle at first. But then his hand came up to Callum´s chin, his thumb gently pressing down just underneath his bottom lip, urging him to deepen the kiss once again. </p><p>Callum couldn´t help but comply. He let out a little noise as Ben moved in closer and closer, finally ending up in his lap, straddling him.</p><p>“I know what you`re doing.”, Callum whispered against his lips as they parted for a second, his eyes still closed, “and it´s not gonna work. You´re not gonna get out of it that easily.”</p><p>He pulled back the slightest bit, just enough so he could look at Ben intently. He could see mischief in his eyes.</p><p>“I´m not?”, Ben challenged, his eyebrows raising, teasing him as he pressed closer again. </p><p>It wasn´t often that the way Ben knew him so well was proving to be a disadvantage, but it was now that he tried his best to stop him, to resist his advances as he moved to press open-mouthed kisses along his neck. </p><p>There was nothing he could do to stop the choked sigh that escaped his lips. He could feel the smile that his reaction elicited pressed against his collar bone, before Ben nibbed at his skin again. When he suddenly pulled back, Callum followed him, leaning into his chest. </p><p>“And what if I´m just refusing to get up?”, Ben grinned at him. His grin turned into a winning smirk, then suddenly into an expression of complete shock as Callum wrapped his arm around his hips tightly and stood, picking him up with him as if he was a lightweight. Okay, maybe he was swaying a little bit, but Ben seemed too surpirsed to notice. It was Callum´s turn to smirk now. Although as he saw Ben stare at him stunned into silence he couldn´t help but laugh. </p><p>Using the moment of Ben being distracted, he placed him down on the counter and quickly stepped out of his reach. He wasn´t going to let Ben do that. </p><p>When he turned back around after taking the syringe out of the fridge, all the good mood seemed to have been wiped away. The grin on Ben´s face had disappeared, making way to a scowl. Callum hated himself for ruining the moment, but this had to be done. </p><p>He only wanted the best for Ben.</p><p>With a sigh, Callum dropped the needle next to Ben on the counter. He stepped in between Ben´s legs, let his hands run up and down his thighs.</p><p>“Hey.”, he whispered. As Ben only stared downwards, Callum gently nudged their noses together. “You trust me, right?”</p><p>For a second Ben adverted his gaze, looking over his shoulder, before meeting his eyes again. There really was only one answer to that question. He nodded weakly.</p><p>“It´ll only take a minute.”, Callum continued. He pressed a simple kiss to his cheek. “And then we can pick up where we left off.” Another kiss further down against his jaw.</p><p>The scowl was still rooted on his face, but when their gazes met Ben rolled his eyes. They shared one more lingering kiss, then Callum picked the injection back up again. As he made to attach the syringe, Ben wrapped himself around him as best as the situation allowed. It didn´t exactly made it easier for Callum to give him the injection, the position awkward, but he didn´t say anything. He was happy with any kind of comfort Ben could take from him.</p><p>As the needle poked his skin, the usual quickening of his breathing set in again, but Callum leaned his head against him, urging him to copy his breathing. Against all his previous concerns, Callum was glad to realize that the whole process seemed to go a lot quicker and easier than the last time. </p><p>Before they had counted ten shared intakes of breath the syringe was empty. Callum quickly discarded it, not pulling away from his boyfriend for too long. Back in his arms, they stayed another few minutes focused on their breathing until Ben finally started to come back to normal. When he did, he wrapped his arms loosely around the taller man´s neck. He had no words to describe how grateful he was that Callum was doing this for him. </p><p>He hadn´t laughed once at his ridiculous behaviour. Hadn´t ever lost his patience or got angry. He just stayed by his side, helping him in every way he could.</p><p>Callum placed his hands back onto his hips and pulled him forward on the counter, bringing him closer. They hugged for what seemed like ages and seconds at the same time, neither of them bothered to move. </p><p>The sun had set long by now and the dimmed light in the room barely lit the kitchen, but they didn´t mind. It somehow made everything just seem even warmer, more intimate.</p><p>Ben voice seemed loud in the quiet room when he spoke, even though he was only whispering. </p><p>“Have you been secretly lifting weights or something?” Callum pulled away to look at him. “Or did you save that move for a special occasion?” </p><p>Callum let out a laugh. Relief washed over him at seeing Ben back to his usual self. He arched an eyebrow and gave a shrug instead of an answer.</p><p>Ben mirrored his laugh then leaned back in for a heated kiss. “You know”, he mumbled against his lips, “wouldn´t mind you doing that again.”</p><p>Without breaking the kiss, Callum picked him back up and carried him into their bedroom.</p><p>---</p><p>Be couldn´t explain it. He had had this fear his whole life. And he had tried endless tips and tricks to overcome it, or at least make it a little more bearable. But nothing had ever really worked.</p><p>Well, nothing until now. Of course, he wasn´t looking forward to his last injection. The thought of it still made him dread the very day. But he wasn´t feeling sick with anxiety any more, didn´t spend most of the days leading up to it trying to think of ways to get out of it. </p><p>Jay had asked him whether he was done with the injections half a week before the final one and he only given a shrug and a throwaway comment about being done with them on Friday in return.</p><p>“This Friday? And you´re being this chill? How come you´re not going up the walls?”, Jay had joked. </p><p>It made Ben think about it for the first time. </p><p>For some reason the prospect didn´t seem quite as daunting any more as it had only a few weeks ago. And he knew that was down to Callum. The way he had distracted him, had helped him through his panicked moments had given him a deep sense of comfort and taken the most part of his worries away. The way he felt completely safe in his arms. So he knew Callum was going to get him through the last injection as well.</p><p>Jay had looked at him, a strange expression on his face, but as Ben set to answer the words seemed stuck in his throat. He didn´t know what to say exactly, he definitely wasn´t going to tell him the stupidly soppy things he had just thought about. Even if they were the truth. </p><p>But Jay let him off. “Well, I´m glad you´re alright.”, he said and before Ben knew it he had wrapped his arm around his shoulders, pulling him in for a quick hug. </p><p>Ben let it happen, even let a small secret smile ghost over his face as it was hidden in Jay´s shoulder, out of his view. After a second Ben pushed him away playfully.</p><p>“Alright, bruv. No need to go soft on me.”, he teased. Still, Jay could see the honesty in his smile.</p><p>---</p><p>When Ben came home that Friday the first thing he saw was Callum. His tall form was curled up on the sofa, making him look much smaller than he was. He had changed his work clothes for a comfortable hoodie and looked so cosy that Ben wanted nothing more that to join him, creating their own little bubble of comforting warmth and closeness and forget about the world around them. </p><p>Nothing was stopping him, so he did. </p><p>With a kiss to his forehead, he sunk down into Callum´s opening arms, breathing out all the stress the day had left him with. Callum´s hand found its usual place on his neck, carding through the short hairs at the back of his head as they held each other in silence.</p><p>It was too comforting not to fall asleep. As Ben found it harder and harder to keep his eyes open, he let out a groan that made Callum look up. </p><p>“I don´t wanna get up.”, Ben whined as he buried his face into his chest for a second.</p><p>“Well, we don´t have to.” Callum let his thumb graze over his cheek. “We can stay here for as long as we want.”</p><p>Ben grinned at him. “Sounds like a perfect plan. But you´re too comfortable and if you give me that damn injection when I fall asleep I´m gonna be pissed.”</p><p>Ben didn´t have to be able to hear, he felt the laugh he got in return as it shook Callum´s body.</p><p>Pulling him down once again with a hand on his neck, Callum pressed their lips together in a soft kiss. “I´m so proud of you, you know?”, he whispered, adoration in his eyes. </p><p>Remembering the last time Callum had said those words and the feeling of guilt that had been eating away at him afterwards brought tears to his eyes. It felt so different now. The sudden wave of gratefulness overwhelmed him and he firmly placed both hands on Callum´s cheeks, holding his face as he kissed him again. He tried to pour all the love he felt for him into the kiss. </p><p>“I´m so lucky to have you.”, he mumbled, before pressing their lips back together.  It seemed like there were no words to describe what he felt in that moment. </p><p>Ben could tell that Callum was about to melt into the embrace, let himself get lost in the feeling, but he stopped himself in the last second.</p><p>“Let´s get this over with once and for all, yeah? Then we can enjoy the rest of the evening.”<br/>
Still reluctant to move, Ben smiled down at him and pressed one last kiss to his lips. </p><p>“I love you.”, he said honestly.</p><p>“I love you, too.” </p><p>And Ben thought he hadn´t felt this happy in a very long time. Maybe he never did.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>What a journey this has been! If you´ve come this far and read the whole thing - wow! Thank you so much, it means a lot &lt;3</p><p>As always (especially now) I would love to hear what you thought! Please tell me about your favourite moments, anything else you would have loved to see or any constructive criticism? </p><p>Aaand once more: if you want to chat or just say hi please feel free to come over to tumblr and shoot me a message @stillamess22 :)</p>
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